http://www.nationalpetregister.org/forums/ Thu, 02 Sep 2010 22:36:22 +0100 MyBB http://www.nationalpetregister.org/forums/showthread.php?tid=1514 Wed, 23 Jun 2010 22:40:35 +0100 http://www.nationalpetregister.org/forums/showthread.php?tid=1514
A short time afterward, a dog trotted up to the window, saw the sign and went inside. He looked at the receptionist and wagged his tail, then walked over to the sign, looked at it and whined.

Getting the idea, the receptionist got the office manager. The office manager looked at the dog and was surprised, to say the least. However, the dog looked determined, so he lead him into the office. Inside, the dog jumped up on the chair and stared at the manager.

The manager said, "I can't hire you. The sign says you have to be able to type." The dog jumped down, went to the typewriter and proceeded to type out a perfect letter. He took out the page and trotted over to the manager and gave it to him, then jumped back on the chair. The manager was stunned, but then told the dog, "The sign says you have to be good with a computer."

The dog jumped down again and went to the computer. The dog proceeded to demonstrate his expertise with various programs and produced a sample spreadsheet and database and presented them to the manager. By this time the manager was totally dumb-founded! He looked at the dog and said, "I realize that you are a very intelligent dog and have some interesting abilities. However, I *still* can't give you the job."

The dog jumped down and went to a copy of the sign and put his paw on the sentences that told about being an Equal Opportunity Employer. The manager said, "Yes, but the sign *also* says that you have to be bilingual."

The dog looked at him straight in the face and said, "Meow."]]>
A short time afterward, a dog trotted up to the window, saw the sign and went inside. He looked at the receptionist and wagged his tail, then walked over to the sign, looked at it and whined.

Getting the idea, the receptionist got the office manager. The office manager looked at the dog and was surprised, to say the least. However, the dog looked determined, so he lead him into the office. Inside, the dog jumped up on the chair and stared at the manager.

The manager said, "I can't hire you. The sign says you have to be able to type." The dog jumped down, went to the typewriter and proceeded to type out a perfect letter. He took out the page and trotted over to the manager and gave it to him, then jumped back on the chair. The manager was stunned, but then told the dog, "The sign says you have to be good with a computer."

The dog jumped down again and went to the computer. The dog proceeded to demonstrate his expertise with various programs and produced a sample spreadsheet and database and presented them to the manager. By this time the manager was totally dumb-founded! He looked at the dog and said, "I realize that you are a very intelligent dog and have some interesting abilities. However, I *still* can't give you the job."

The dog jumped down and went to a copy of the sign and put his paw on the sentences that told about being an Equal Opportunity Employer. The manager said, "Yes, but the sign *also* says that you have to be bilingual."

The dog looked at him straight in the face and said, "Meow."]]> http://www.nationalpetregister.org/forums/showthread.php?tid=1513 Wed, 23 Jun 2010 22:39:35 +0100 http://www.nationalpetregister.org/forums/showthread.php?tid=1513
2. Don't go out without ID.

3. Be direct with people; let them know exactly how you feel by pissing on their shoes.

4. Be aware of when to hold your tongue, and when to use it.

5. Leave room in your schedule for a good nap.

6. Always give people a friendly greeting. A cold nose in the crotch is most effective.

7. When you do something wrong, always take responsibility (as soon as you're dragged shamefully out from under the bed).

8. If it's not wet and sloppy, it's not a real kiss.]]>
2. Don't go out without ID.

3. Be direct with people; let them know exactly how you feel by pissing on their shoes.

4. Be aware of when to hold your tongue, and when to use it.

5. Leave room in your schedule for a good nap.

6. Always give people a friendly greeting. A cold nose in the crotch is most effective.

7. When you do something wrong, always take responsibility (as soon as you're dragged shamefully out from under the bed).

8. If it's not wet and sloppy, it's not a real kiss.]]> http://www.nationalpetregister.org/forums/showthread.php?tid=1512 Wed, 23 Jun 2010 22:38:41 +0100 http://www.nationalpetregister.org/forums/showthread.php?tid=1512
You never feed me.
Perhaps I'll sleep on your face.
That will sure show you.

You *must* scratch me there!
Yes, above my tail!
Behold, elevator butt.

The rule for today:
Touch my tail, I shred your hand.
New rule tomorrow.

Grace personified.
I leap into the window.
I meant to do that.

Blur of motion, then --
Silence, me, a paper bag.
What is so funny?

You're always typing.
Well, let's see you ignore my
sitting on your hands.

My small cardboard box.
You cannot see me if I
Can just hide my head.

Terrible battle.
I fought for hours. Come and see!
What's a 'term paper?'

Small brave carnivores
Kill pine cones and mosquitoes
Fear vacuum cleaner.

I want to be close
to you. Can I fit my head
inside your armpit?

Wanna go outside.
Oh, crap! Help! I got outside!
Let me back inside!

Oh no! Big One
has been trapped by newspaper!
Cat to the rescue!

Humans are so strange.
Mine lies still in bed, then screams.
My claws are not that sharp.

Cats meow out of angst
"Thumbs! If only we had thumbs!
We could break so much!"

The Big Ones snore now
Every room is dark and cold
Time for "Cup Hockey."

In deep sleep hear sound
Cat vomit hair ball somewhere
Will find in morning.

We're almost equals
I purr to show I love you.
Want to smell my butt?

The cat is not all
Bad - she fills the litter box
With Tootsie Rolls.

----


"Dog Haiku"

I love my master;
Thus I perfume myself with
This long-rotten squirrel.

I lie belly-up
In the sunshine, happier than
You ever will be

Today I sniffed
Many dog butts - I celebrate
By kissing your face.

I sound the alarm!
Paperboy - come to kill us all -
Look! Look! Look! Look! Look!

I sound the alarm!
Mailman Fiend - come to kill us all -
Look! Look! Look! Look! Look!

I sound the alarm!
Meter reader - come to kill all -
Look! Look! Look! Look! Look!

I sound the alarm!
Garbage man - come to kill all -
Look! Look! Look! Look! Look!

I sound the alarm!
Neighbor's cat - come to kill all!
Look! Look! Look! Look! Look!

I lift my leg and
Wiz on each bush. Hello, Spot -
Sniff this and weep.

How do I love thee?
The ways are numberless as
My hairs on the rug.

My human is home!
I am so ecstatic I have
Made a puddle.

I hate my choke chain -
Look, world, they strangle me! Ack
Ack Ack Ack Ack Ack!

Sleeping here, my chin
On your foot - no greater bliss - well,
Maybe catching cats.

Look in my eyes and
Deny it. No human could
Love you as much I do.

Dig under fence - why?
Because it's there. Because it's
There. Because it's there.

I am your best friend,
Now, always, and especially
When you are eating.

You may call them fleas,
But they are far more - I call
Them a vocation.

My owners' mood is
Romantic - I lie near their
Feet. I blow a big one.

Author unknown sadly]]>
You never feed me.
Perhaps I'll sleep on your face.
That will sure show you.

You *must* scratch me there!
Yes, above my tail!
Behold, elevator butt.

The rule for today:
Touch my tail, I shred your hand.
New rule tomorrow.

Grace personified.
I leap into the window.
I meant to do that.

Blur of motion, then --
Silence, me, a paper bag.
What is so funny?

You're always typing.
Well, let's see you ignore my
sitting on your hands.

My small cardboard box.
You cannot see me if I
Can just hide my head.

Terrible battle.
I fought for hours. Come and see!
What's a 'term paper?'

Small brave carnivores
Kill pine cones and mosquitoes
Fear vacuum cleaner.

I want to be close
to you. Can I fit my head
inside your armpit?

Wanna go outside.
Oh, crap! Help! I got outside!
Let me back inside!

Oh no! Big One
has been trapped by newspaper!
Cat to the rescue!

Humans are so strange.
Mine lies still in bed, then screams.
My claws are not that sharp.

Cats meow out of angst
"Thumbs! If only we had thumbs!
We could break so much!"

The Big Ones snore now
Every room is dark and cold
Time for "Cup Hockey."

In deep sleep hear sound
Cat vomit hair ball somewhere
Will find in morning.

We're almost equals
I purr to show I love you.
Want to smell my butt?

The cat is not all
Bad - she fills the litter box
With Tootsie Rolls.

----


"Dog Haiku"

I love my master;
Thus I perfume myself with
This long-rotten squirrel.

I lie belly-up
In the sunshine, happier than
You ever will be

Today I sniffed
Many dog butts - I celebrate
By kissing your face.

I sound the alarm!
Paperboy - come to kill us all -
Look! Look! Look! Look! Look!

I sound the alarm!
Mailman Fiend - come to kill us all -
Look! Look! Look! Look! Look!

I sound the alarm!
Meter reader - come to kill all -
Look! Look! Look! Look! Look!

I sound the alarm!
Garbage man - come to kill all -
Look! Look! Look! Look! Look!

I sound the alarm!
Neighbor's cat - come to kill all!
Look! Look! Look! Look! Look!

I lift my leg and
Wiz on each bush. Hello, Spot -
Sniff this and weep.

How do I love thee?
The ways are numberless as
My hairs on the rug.

My human is home!
I am so ecstatic I have
Made a puddle.

I hate my choke chain -
Look, world, they strangle me! Ack
Ack Ack Ack Ack Ack!

Sleeping here, my chin
On your foot - no greater bliss - well,
Maybe catching cats.

Look in my eyes and
Deny it. No human could
Love you as much I do.

Dig under fence - why?
Because it's there. Because it's
There. Because it's there.

I am your best friend,
Now, always, and especially
When you are eating.

You may call them fleas,
But they are far more - I call
Them a vocation.

My owners' mood is
Romantic - I lie near their
Feet. I blow a big one.

Author unknown sadly]]> http://www.nationalpetregister.org/forums/showthread.php?tid=1507 Wed, 23 Jun 2010 00:54:37 +0100 http://www.nationalpetregister.org/forums/showthread.php?tid=1507
The first guy says, "Hey, you want to get something to eat?"

The second guy replies, "Yeah, but they all have signs that say 'No Dogs Allowed'."

The first guy with the lab puts sunglasses on and hands the other guy a pair. "Follow my lead," he says.

As he walks into the restaurant a waiter stops him and says, "Sir, no dogs allowed."

The man replies, "It's O.K., this is my seeing eye dog." The waiter apologizes and leads the man to a table as the second man enters.

The same waiter stops him but the guy says, "This is my seeing eye dog. I'm with the other guy."

The waiter replies, "Sir, you can't fool me, you have a Chihuahua."

The man freaks out and says, "A Chihuahua? They gave me a Chihuahua?!"]]>
The first guy says, "Hey, you want to get something to eat?"

The second guy replies, "Yeah, but they all have signs that say 'No Dogs Allowed'."

The first guy with the lab puts sunglasses on and hands the other guy a pair. "Follow my lead," he says.

As he walks into the restaurant a waiter stops him and says, "Sir, no dogs allowed."

The man replies, "It's O.K., this is my seeing eye dog." The waiter apologizes and leads the man to a table as the second man enters.

The same waiter stops him but the guy says, "This is my seeing eye dog. I'm with the other guy."

The waiter replies, "Sir, you can't fool me, you have a Chihuahua."

The man freaks out and says, "A Chihuahua? They gave me a Chihuahua?!"]]> http://www.nationalpetregister.org/forums/showthread.php?tid=1503 Fri, 18 Jun 2010 01:46:23 +0100 http://www.nationalpetregister.org/forums/showthread.php?tid=1503
1. Thoroughly clean the toilet.
2. Add the required amount of shampoo to the toilet water, and have both lids lifted.
3. Obtain the cat
and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.
4. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids (you may need to stand on the lid so that he cannot escape). CAUTION: Do not get any part of your body too close to the edge,
as his paws will be reaching out for any purchase they can find.
5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a "power wash and rinse" which I have found to be quite effective.
6. Have someone open the door to the outside and ensure that there are no people between the toilet and the outside door.
7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids.
8. The now-clean cat will rocket out of the toilet, and run outside where he will dry himself.

Sincerely, The DOG]]>
1. Thoroughly clean the toilet.
2. Add the required amount of shampoo to the toilet water, and have both lids lifted.
3. Obtain the cat
and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.
4. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids (you may need to stand on the lid so that he cannot escape). CAUTION: Do not get any part of your body too close to the edge,
as his paws will be reaching out for any purchase they can find.
5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a "power wash and rinse" which I have found to be quite effective.
6. Have someone open the door to the outside and ensure that there are no people between the toilet and the outside door.
7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids.
8. The now-clean cat will rocket out of the toilet, and run outside where he will dry himself.

Sincerely, The DOG]]> http://www.nationalpetregister.org/forums/showthread.php?tid=1502 Fri, 18 Jun 2010 01:44:19 +0100 http://www.nationalpetregister.org/forums/showthread.php?tid=1502

- Dogs lie around all day, sprawled on the most comfortable piece of furniture in the house.

- They can hear a package of food opening half a block away, but they don't hear you when you are in the same room.

- They growl when they are not happy.

- When you want to play, they want to play.

- When you want to be alone, they want to play.

- They are great at begging.

- They will love you forever if you rub their tummies.

- They leave their toys everywhere.

- They do disgusting things with their mouths and then try to give you a kiss.


- Conclusion: They are little men in fur coats]]>

- Dogs lie around all day, sprawled on the most comfortable piece of furniture in the house.

- They can hear a package of food opening half a block away, but they don't hear you when you are in the same room.

- They growl when they are not happy.

- When you want to play, they want to play.

- When you want to be alone, they want to play.

- They are great at begging.

- They will love you forever if you rub their tummies.

- They leave their toys everywhere.

- They do disgusting things with their mouths and then try to give you a kiss.


- Conclusion: They are little men in fur coats]]> http://www.nationalpetregister.org/forums/showthread.php?tid=1501 Fri, 18 Jun 2010 01:39:11 +0100 http://www.nationalpetregister.org/forums/showthread.php?tid=1501

- Cats do what they want.

- They rarely listen to you.

- They are totally unpredictable.

- When you want to play, they want to be alone.

- When you want to be alone, they want to play.

- They expect you to cater to their every whim.

- They are moody.

- They leave hair everywhere.

- They drive you nuts and cost an arm and a leg.


Conclusion: They are tiny women in fur coats. : Note I am posting this - and I am a woman! LOL!]]>

- Cats do what they want.

- They rarely listen to you.

- They are totally unpredictable.

- When you want to play, they want to be alone.

- When you want to be alone, they want to play.

- They expect you to cater to their every whim.

- They are moody.

- They leave hair everywhere.

- They drive you nuts and cost an arm and a leg.


Conclusion: They are tiny women in fur coats. : Note I am posting this - and I am a woman! LOL!]]> http://www.nationalpetregister.org/forums/showthread.php?tid=1494 Mon, 14 Jun 2010 22:21:39 +0100 http://www.nationalpetregister.org/forums/showthread.php?tid=1494
"Are you sure it doesn't scream, yell, or swear?" asked the preacher.

"Oh absolutely. It's a religious parrot," the storekeeper assures him.

"Do you see those strings on his legs? When you pull the right one, he recites the lord's prayer, and when you pull on the left he recites the 23rd Psalm."

"Wonderful!" says the preacher, "but what happens if you pull both strings?"

"I fall off my perch, you stupid fool!" screeched the parrot. ]]>
"Are you sure it doesn't scream, yell, or swear?" asked the preacher.

"Oh absolutely. It's a religious parrot," the storekeeper assures him.

"Do you see those strings on his legs? When you pull the right one, he recites the lord's prayer, and when you pull on the left he recites the 23rd Psalm."

"Wonderful!" says the preacher, "but what happens if you pull both strings?"

"I fall off my perch, you stupid fool!" screeched the parrot. ]]> http://www.nationalpetregister.org/forums/showthread.php?tid=1347 Mon, 02 Nov 2009 05:41:01 +0000 http://www.nationalpetregister.org/forums/showthread.php?tid=1347
The children started discussing what the dog's duties might be.

"They use him to keep crowds back," said one youngster.

"No," said another, "he's just for good luck."

A third child concluded. "No silly, they use the dogs to find the fire hydrant!"]]>
The children started discussing what the dog's duties might be.

"They use him to keep crowds back," said one youngster.

"No," said another, "he's just for good luck."

A third child concluded. "No silly, they use the dogs to find the fire hydrant!"]]> http://www.nationalpetregister.org/forums/showthread.php?tid=1322 Thu, 01 Oct 2009 12:07:32 +0100 http://www.nationalpetregister.org/forums/showthread.php?tid=1322 the assistant says ,that's odd I have been here for over 20 years and never served a mouse in all that time ,
but today you are the second mouse I have served ,a lady mouse came in this morning asking for a mouth organ .
Are said the mouse that would have been ARE MONICA.]]> the assistant says ,that's odd I have been here for over 20 years and never served a mouse in all that time ,
but today you are the second mouse I have served ,a lady mouse came in this morning asking for a mouth organ .
Are said the mouse that would have been ARE MONICA.]]> http://www.nationalpetregister.org/forums/showthread.php?tid=1161 Wed, 08 Apr 2009 05:38:15 +0100 http://www.nationalpetregister.org/forums/showthread.php?tid=1161 Birds of prey !

What do you call a woodpecker with no beak ?
A headbanger !

When is the best time to buy budgies ?
When they're going cheap !

How do you get a cut-price parrot ?
Plant bird seed !

Why is a sofa like a roast chicken ?
Because they're both full of stuffing !

What do you call a very rude bird ?
A mockingbird !

Where do birds meet for coffee ?
In a nest-cafe !

How does a bird with a broken wing manage to land safely ?
With it's sparrowchute !

What is green and pecks on trees ?
Woody Wood Pickle !

What do you call a bunch of chickens playing hide-and-seek ?
Fowl play !]]> Birds of prey !

What do you call a woodpecker with no beak ?
A headbanger !

When is the best time to buy budgies ?
When they're going cheap !

How do you get a cut-price parrot ?
Plant bird seed !

Why is a sofa like a roast chicken ?
Because they're both full of stuffing !

What do you call a very rude bird ?
A mockingbird !

Where do birds meet for coffee ?
In a nest-cafe !

How does a bird with a broken wing manage to land safely ?
With it's sparrowchute !

What is green and pecks on trees ?
Woody Wood Pickle !

What do you call a bunch of chickens playing hide-and-seek ?
Fowl play !]]> http://www.nationalpetregister.org/forums/showthread.php?tid=1111 Mon, 23 Feb 2009 01:26:01 +0000 http://www.nationalpetregister.org/forums/showthread.php?tid=1111 ]]> ]]> http://www.nationalpetregister.org/forums/showthread.php?tid=1107 Sun, 22 Feb 2009 00:50:34 +0000 http://www.nationalpetregister.org/forums/showthread.php?tid=1107 ]]> ]]> http://www.nationalpetregister.org/forums/showthread.php?tid=1078 Thu, 29 Jan 2009 16:03:21 +0000 http://www.nationalpetregister.org/forums/showthread.php?tid=1078
My name's Daniel and I've got a tabby cat called Tiger and a beagle
called Snoopy.
A friend sent me this link recently and I thought that my first post
should be letting you guys join in on the fun:

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=EUys0W7yawM

Hope you guys enjoy it and find it as hilarious as I did!

Best wishes]]>
My name's Daniel and I've got a tabby cat called Tiger and a beagle
called Snoopy.
A friend sent me this link recently and I thought that my first post
should be letting you guys join in on the fun:

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=EUys0W7yawM

Hope you guys enjoy it and find it as hilarious as I did!

Best wishes]]> http://www.nationalpetregister.org/forums/showthread.php?tid=1056 Wed, 14 Jan 2009 17:31:10 +0000 http://www.nationalpetregister.org/forums/showthread.php?tid=1056
Immediately after he finished saying this he heard a splash and the entire crowd watched and cheered as the young man swam quickly across the pool, and emerged unharmed.

The millionaire was amazed but said that he would hold up his end of the bargain.

"Well", he said,"do you want the $1 million or my daughter? The young man answered, "Sir, I don't want your money or your daughter, I just want to know who the hell pushed me into that pool."]]>
Immediately after he finished saying this he heard a splash and the entire crowd watched and cheered as the young man swam quickly across the pool, and emerged unharmed.

The millionaire was amazed but said that he would hold up his end of the bargain.

"Well", he said,"do you want the $1 million or my daughter? The young man answered, "Sir, I don't want your money or your daughter, I just want to know who the hell pushed me into that pool."]]> http://www.nationalpetregister.org/forums/showthread.php?tid=1055 Wed, 14 Jan 2009 17:27:15 +0000 http://www.nationalpetregister.org/forums/showthread.php?tid=1055
Chuck replied, "Well, then just give me my money back."

The farmer said, "Can't do that. I went and spent it already."

Chuck said, "Ok, then, just bring me the dead horse."

The farmer asked, "What ya gonna do with him?"

Chuck said, "I'm going to raffle him off."

The farmer said, "You can't raffle off a dead horse!"

Chuck said, "Sure I can. Watch me. I just won't tell anybody he's dead."

A month later, the farmer met up with Chuck and asked, "What happened With that dead horse?"

Chuck said, "I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars a Piece and made a net profit of $898.00."

The farmer said, "Didn't anyone complain?"

Chuck said, "Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back."

Chuck grew up and now works for the government.]]>
Chuck replied, "Well, then just give me my money back."

The farmer said, "Can't do that. I went and spent it already."

Chuck said, "Ok, then, just bring me the dead horse."

The farmer asked, "What ya gonna do with him?"

Chuck said, "I'm going to raffle him off."

The farmer said, "You can't raffle off a dead horse!"

Chuck said, "Sure I can. Watch me. I just won't tell anybody he's dead."

A month later, the farmer met up with Chuck and asked, "What happened With that dead horse?"

Chuck said, "I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars a Piece and made a net profit of $898.00."

The farmer said, "Didn't anyone complain?"

Chuck said, "Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back."

Chuck grew up and now works for the government.]]> http://www.nationalpetregister.org/forums/showthread.php?tid=1031 Thu, 01 Jan 2009 12:31:54 +0000 http://www.nationalpetregister.org/forums/showthread.php?tid=1031
Bear, you go first." The bear thought for a minute, and being the male he was, said "I wish for all the bears in this forest, besides me, to be female." For his wish, the rabbit asked for a crash helmet, and immediately put it on.

The bear was amazed at the stupidity of the rabbit, wasting his wish like that. It was the bear's second turn for a wish.? "Well, I wish that all the bears in the next forest were female as well." Rabbit asked for a motorcycle and immediately hopped on it and gunned the engine.

The bear was shocked that the rabbit was asking for these stupid things, after all, he could have asked for money and bought the motorcycle. For the last wish the bear thought for awhile and then said, "I wish that all the bears in the world, besides me, were female." The rabbit grinned, gunned the engine, and said "I wish the bear was gay.]]>
Bear, you go first." The bear thought for a minute, and being the male he was, said "I wish for all the bears in this forest, besides me, to be female." For his wish, the rabbit asked for a crash helmet, and immediately put it on.

The bear was amazed at the stupidity of the rabbit, wasting his wish like that. It was the bear's second turn for a wish.? "Well, I wish that all the bears in the next forest were female as well." Rabbit asked for a motorcycle and immediately hopped on it and gunned the engine.

The bear was shocked that the rabbit was asking for these stupid things, after all, he could have asked for money and bought the motorcycle. For the last wish the bear thought for awhile and then said, "I wish that all the bears in the world, besides me, were female." The rabbit grinned, gunned the engine, and said "I wish the bear was gay.]]> http://www.nationalpetregister.org/forums/showthread.php?tid=975 Tue, 04 Nov 2008 07:37:30 +0000 http://www.nationalpetregister.org/forums/showthread.php?tid=975

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=dhpAvGvkpec]]>

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=dhpAvGvkpec]]> http://www.nationalpetregister.org/forums/showthread.php?tid=899 Thu, 11 Sep 2008 08:11:37 +0100 http://www.nationalpetregister.org/forums/showthread.php?tid=899 go to heaven.

When they get there, St. Peter says, 'We! only have
one rule here in heaven: don't step on the ducks!'

So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are
ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to
step on a duck, and although they try their best to
avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one.

Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw.

St. Peter chains them together and says, 'Your
punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend
eternity chained to this ugly man!'

The next day, the second woman accidentally steps
on a duck and along comes St. Peter, who doesn't
miss a thing. With him is another extremely ugly man.
He chains them together with the same admonishment
as for the first woman.

The third woman has observed all this and, not
wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly man,
is very, VERY careful where she steps.

She manages to go months without stepping on
any ducks, but one day St. Peter comes up to her
with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes
on ... very tall, long eyelashes, muscular, and thin.

St. Peter chains them together without saying a word.

The happy woman says, 'I wonder what I did to
deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?'

The guy says, 'I don't know about you, but I stepped
on a duck!']]> go to heaven.

When they get there, St. Peter says, 'We! only have
one rule here in heaven: don't step on the ducks!'

So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are
ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to
step on a duck, and although they try their best to
avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one.

Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw.

St. Peter chains them together and says, 'Your
punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend
eternity chained to this ugly man!'

The next day, the second woman accidentally steps
on a duck and along comes St. Peter, who doesn't
miss a thing. With him is another extremely ugly man.
He chains them together with the same admonishment
as for the first woman.

The third woman has observed all this and, not
wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly man,
is very, VERY careful where she steps.

She manages to go months without stepping on
any ducks, but one day St. Peter comes up to her
with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes
on ... very tall, long eyelashes, muscular, and thin.

St. Peter chains them together without saying a word.

The happy woman says, 'I wonder what I did to
deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?'

The guy says, 'I don't know about you, but I stepped
on a duck!']]> http://www.nationalpetregister.org/forums/showthread.php?tid=773 Mon, 25 Aug 2008 06:34:00 +0100 http://www.nationalpetregister.org/forums/showthread.php?tid=773 She has lost her cat.
"What if she is dying,
Ate a poisoned rat?.."

And the cat is here,
Hiding in the hay;
She's just tired of being kissed
Two hundred times a day.]]> She has lost her cat.
"What if she is dying,
Ate a poisoned rat?.."

And the cat is here,
Hiding in the hay;
She's just tired of being kissed
Two hundred times a day.]]>